In week four of the Waterdown Fantasy Football League, Fire Goodell, owned by local unemployed man Austin Stanton took over top spot in the league, moving to 4-0 after recording over 100 points for the second time this season in a 104.56 to 75.96 win over Tom Saavaaage.
Stanton’s team was again led by early season fantasy monster Todd Gurley who had over 200 yards from scrimmage and posted 28.50 points. His only mistake of the week was benching Kelvin Benjamin who finally had a quality game, going over 100 yards for the first time this season.
“Well with no job, I had more time this year to do research than ever before,” said Stanton, who at press time has yet to dress or shower today. “I’ve also been lucky with opponents and injuries.”
Stanton is the only remaining undefeated player in the league as Foles Gold picked up their first win of the season, taking down the league leader after week three – Melissa McCrory, 100.32 to 83.24.
Upon suffering his first loss of the season, Melissa McCrory owner Mason Onski was faced with another blow this week as his his league rival Matt Rooney’s Fuck You Amy team picked up their first win of the season
“Rough week for the kid,” said Mason. “I still have Kareem Hunt on my team though, and I plan on being in the championship game again this year.”
Rooney’s Fuck You Amy squad defeated the consensus worst team in the league AndyDaltonHasASoul 85.38 to 69.48 to pick up their first win of the 2017 season.
“My team is full of beauties on paper, it was only a matter of time before I picked up a win,” said Rooney. “All your teams are shit anyways.”
While Rooney’s fantasy team may have picked up a win, his beloved Oakland Raiders lost QB Derek Carr for up to six weeks and therefore are now on pace to finish last in the AFC West as they will be relying on E.J. Manuel to win them football games.
Defending champion Dirty Chelz continued their surge up the standings, winning for the second consecutive week after an 0-2 start.
Dirty Chelz posted a league high 113.10 points in week four to defeat T Jenny From the Block 113.10 to 89.88.
Sadly owner Mitch Onski wasn’t able to celebrate his victory with a few cold ones because after already suffering the loss of stud David Johnson, rookie sensation Dalvin Cook is out for the season with an ACL tear and Seahawks’ running back Chris Carson also went down with an injury.
“This is so bullshit. I’m the best drafter in the league and this shit keeps happening?” said Onski. “Honestly… who wants to drink?”
After Keepergate earlier in the season, some are suggesting the commissoners team may be cursed.
The final win of the week was picked up by 2 Gurleys 1 Cup, who beat Dak to the Future 92.22 to 62.88. Both teams are now .500 after four weeks of play.
The standings through week four can be seen below.